While a lot of couples have true dreams of eloping, many feel pressure from society or their friends and family to have a traditional wedding, big or small. These options are a pretty dramatic dichotomy, but in the end the best choice is to always go with what you and your partner feel in your hearts is best for you. If that’s a giant party with all of your friends and family, then yes, go for it. If it’s just the two of you alone on a mountain top, go for it.
Be as selfish as you want.
Fjallfoto
My number one piece of advice for couples while planning their wedding is to be as selfish as you want. That’s a tough pill to swallow for some people, and I understand why. Weddings traditionally are big family affairs, a chance to show off and display your love and throw a party for your people and when couples decide to do the complete opposite of that, it can absolutely ruffle some feathers. Because who doesn’t love a big, fun well thought out wedding?! I know I do. But it’s just not for everyone. I personally believe, as someone who chose elopement, YOU DO YOU! If eloping is your wish, your loved ones should respect that wish.
My husband and I decided to elope on a bluff overlooking Lake Champlain on a Friday afternoon after work. We invited our parents and a couple friends. Including our photographer and officiant there were 11 of us there total. Admittedly, there were some really hurt feelings from family members. And admittedly I did shed a few tears that morning knowing some special people weren’t going to be there. But an elopement had been my vision for years, and selfishly I wanted no distractions and nothing to make me lose focus from the intimacy of being married to my perfect match. When I look back at my wedding there are very very few things I would do differently.
If you desire intimacy over flash, then I highly suggest considering an elopement for your wedding day. Some ideas for your big or little day with details below:
- Just elope
- Elope but throw a party later
- Secretly elope and have a full traditional wedding later
- Have your traditional wedding with an intimate renewal of vows later
Just Elope
Throw anyone else’s expectations away and you and your partner run off and elope. City hall, the courthouse, or better yet, out in the wild: mountain top, lake side, in the middle of the forest. You decide and do exactly what you want. Invite a few people if you want or none at all! Hire a Justice of the Peace for your officiant or have your bestie do it (they can be ordained here: https://www.ulc.org/)! The best part of this is there’s ZERO stress. You do what you want, wear what you want, eat and drink what you want, celebrate your union how you want! There’s a financial benefit here too, with elopements often being much cheaper than a traditional wedding!
Elope but throw a party later
This is what my husband and I did. We eloped in the winter and threw a celebratory pig roast picnic the next summer and invited our friends and family for a casual get together and celebration. It was intimate but also allowed us to have a party and an excuse to get our loved ones together!
Secretly elope
If you’re worried about hurting people’s feelings by not having a big wedding then elope in secret! What they don’t know won’t hurt them. This sounds cruel, but goes back to what I mentioned about being selfish. If your loved ones can’t respect your desires then don’t give them a chance to try and change your mind. You can do a full traditional ceremony and reception later and both will be special. I have friends who did this and it was absolutely perfect. The best of both worlds. The best part is you can make either ceremony the official one. Make verbal vows and commitments in an elopement ceremony with an official ceremony later or the opposite, whichever you want!
Have a traditional wedding with an intimate renewal of vows later
I love this idea. Another way to have the best of both worlds. Plan a “normal” wedding, whatever that means for you, but make a time that weekend (or whenever) to have private vows with just each other. You may have seen versions of this during “first looks” but separating this from your wedding day entirely will make it feel a little more special. Not to mention it would mean one less box to check off on an already busy wedding day schedule. Use this separate ceremony of sorts to wear a different dress/outfit, try out a different photographer (here are my thoughts on why a professional photographer is a must even for an elopement) and have it in a remote, private place that may not have been possible for guests to get to.
In the end, be true to yourselves.
Fjallfoto
In the end, be true to yourselves, I cannot stress this enough. If you choose me as a photographer I am always available to help you brainstorm fresh, outside of the box ideas, or to make the vision you already have come to life. Unfettered horizons await and I’ll be happy to help you along the way!
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